My father is older and sick and my mother is his primary care taker. She cleans, cooks, shops, dresses him, she does everything and I have noticed how worn and tired she is, and she has complained on occasions. I called my brother who lives 2 hours away to come into town once in a while and help and he said he would. This last time he came in town, he left both of his children with my parents to take care of for a week. In addition, my brother hid the fact that the kids would be left with them as he has been directed to not leave his kids with my elderly parents.
At first I was angry, and then I was actually fearful for the children, then fearful for my mother who is having a difficult time caring for my father little long my brother’s two young children, one not even in first grade yet. I sat with it for a while. I noticed it was disrupting my day and I realized I needed to let go.
Letting go of family issues is something most of us at times struggle with. My favorite saying is it is not the letting go that hurts it is the holding on and there is great truth with that. If we hold onto it, we give it power, so our main goal is to not give it power. I know easier said than done, but how do we let go?
Be heard. First I think it is important to make sure someone hears you. Tell people. In my case it was important to tell a few friends and a few relatives so I did not have to sit on it. Also it was important to let a few family members know so they could know what was going on. That sort of gave away part of the power right there. I talk about it briefly, say, name it claim it and then let it go. There is no need to go on and on. Some people say do not talk about it, but I find it is helpful to share what you are experiencing for a moment, and then release it.
Communicate. Try to let people know how you are feeling. In many cases, the people will not listen, but communicating how you feel is about you not them. Do not communicate if you are angry, wait until you are calm, and then communicate. This helps keep your side of the road clean and communicate.
Realize you have a choice. You cannot control the actions of others, and shouldn’t try. But you can control not only your actions, but your thoughts. You can choose to move on. You have this power. You just need to learn how to exercise it. Know that you do not have the power over everything and admit it when you are powerless.
Empathize. Some people just don’t get it. They can use and abuse people, even the ones they love. These are the type of people that do not have much compassion and are self centered so you can have empathy for them since they really do not get it, nor do they really care. So it is important to bless the people and hope they can one day see some sort of light. This puts you in power by blessing them rather than being mad at them.
Finally, by letting go you let go of all responsibility you free yourself. You do not have to participate in dysfunction, abuse, lies, just make a clear and conscious choice to let go and you will feel 100 pounds lighter.
Letting go is important. It puts you in charge of your feelings. You do not have to hold on. Holding on, limits perception, makes us tense, and obscures our true nature. Live freely by letting go….
This is Dr. Tyler Woods saying walk in peace…